Who are you trying to impress?

These two hate each other, but at least they didn't spend $30,000 for the privilege.

Skirts and malleable men, this one’s directed at you. Spending money on a wedding is one of the surest, most effective ways of getting your financial life off to a treacherous footing. The average American wedding costs $30,000 from ring to honeymoon. And despite their effervescent exteriors, wedding planners are among the most opportunistic agents in all of commerce. They know that you’re the best kind of customers there are – people who are too terrified to concern themselves with budget, for fear of looking cheap. Especially in the eyes of their betrothed.

If you’re young, and getting married at the traditional age, then you don’t have any net worth to speak of yet. Or at least, you don’t have so great a net worth that you can afford to “invest” some of your valuable assets in a ceremony that doesn’t pay any returns. And if this isn’t your first wedding, act your age. You already had your shot at glamor and pageantry. Treat this wedding like the requisite business transaction it is.

A wedding is not only a perpetual spring tradition, it’s an obscene commitment of time and money, in exchange for breadmakers and fondue sets you will never, ever use. You’ll also get photographs that there’s a 34% chance you’ll end up ceremoniously ripping in half within a few years. If we told you that your $30,000 car had a 3-in-1 chance of getting clobbered by an asteroid (Note: insurance policy does not cover acts of asteroid), would you buy it?

There’s another argument we haven’t demolished yet, the microtine one. Your best friend from college invited you to her wedding, and she had jugglers and dancing bears. Elton John sang and played the piano, and the entrée was fricasseed Yangtze River dolphin, swimming in a reduction of alba truffles and Château Mouton Rothschild sauce. Every guest got a gift bag with a Krugerrand inside.

If you take your friend’s lavish wedding as the benchmark that your wedding needs to meet or exceed, then welcome. You clearly made it to ControlYourCash.com by mistake. Stick around for a while, maybe you’ll learn something. Although it’s going to require more than a little deprogramming.

Here are two appropriate ways to get married – the first if you’re religious, the second, if you’re secular.

Go to your parish priest, minister, rabbi, or local fat woman who could never meet men and calls herself a witch. Then rent out the church on a Saturday/synagogue on a Tuesday/coven during the daytime. Ask the celebrant what the going rate is, then give an extra 10% in recognition of all the money you’re saving by not getting married in the conventional and dimwitted way. (Of course, you’ll be paying with cash or a check.) Invite as few friends and family as you can get away with to the ceremony. Here’s an unquestionable truth – with the exception of your mother, no one wants to be sitting there anyway, in uncomfortable clothes on a perfectly good day when they could be out enjoying life. It’s a social obligation all around, so don’t you owe it to everyone to at least make the event as painless as possible?

If you absolutely need to celebrate with friends, meet at a local bar and convive. Rent out a nearby yacht club if you still can’t convince yourself that you need to spend some amount of unnecessary money in order to properly embark upon married life, which is going to be enough of a struggle as it is. Yes, your adorable niece can still be a flower girl. Let her parents buy her dress, though.

For females, if you feel that having a modest wedding is denying yourself some ritual of womanhood, shake yourself. Most rituals of womanhood are overrated anyway. Care to relive the first time you wore heels? How about menarche?

You know what? Go ahead and splurge on the honeymoon if you want. Seriously. You’re going to bitch about how Spartan the wedding was anyway, so at least this way you can justify your innate need for self-indulgence.

If you’re not religious, find a justice of the peace or a nondenominational minister who does house calls. Hold the ceremony at someone’s parents’ house. If you want, put the bride’s most pathetic friend in charge of ordering flowers (2 dozen, no more) and calling a caterer (two entrees, max, and not salmon.) Said friend probably has lots of free time on her hands anyway, so you might as well put it to use.

Princess Beatrice and Joey Buss can be as ostentatious as they want and charge it to their parents’ credit cards. For the rest of us, a wedding isn’t meant to be a display of our family’s legacy. It’s a financial liability, however obligatory, to minimize the impact of. Freeing up important resources for you to buy assets with.

A Friday post? What gives?

 

Our heroine Hetty Green, looking exceptionally sexy for the photographer.

This morning, we heard from the FruBlogger at CESIDebtSolutions.org (it stands for Consumer Education Services, Inc.), who wanted to know how we developed the saving and spending habits that are now second nature. So, doing our part to spread the gospel of financial independence and hopefully saving you the trouble of making the same mistakes others made, here’s our questionnaire, answered by Greg. Enjoy.

What’s your “frugality story?” In other words, how and why did you
become frugal?

I’d recently graduated college and was resigned to spending the next few years living in a dismal little apartment and making subsistence wages en route to eventually establishing myself. I was astounded when I saw my classmates, whom I’d assumed were as poor as I was, buying cars and houses. I suddenly realized that all the nonchalant, “discretionary” spending I’d been doing had added up in a bigger way than I’d imagined. And that maybe I should look at my bank statements once in a while.


What, if anything, tempts you to overspend, and how do you resist?

Convenience. If something’s right in front of you, and easy to take possession of, it’s hard to think of reasons not to buy it. It can take a while to master, but discipline is the only way around this. It’s the equivalent of the recovering smoker not buying the cigarettes. (Of course, those folks have it relatively easy. They only have one item they have to avoid.)


What personal finance or frugality habits were the hardest for you
to adopt and why?

Forcing myself to examine my income and my net worth regularly. I’d always deposit my paychecks without ever checking the balances. Same deal when I used an ATM. I was always scared that the actual numbers would be lower than my estimates, which would depress me for the rest of the day. Also, I reasoned that my balances would seem to grow faster if I consciously ignored them. But in the real world, the opposite happens.


Have you ever taken frugality too far? How so?

Recycling a birthday gift for an ex-girlfriend was one I’d like to have back. Then again, she dumped me a week later and I ended up with the woman of my dreams, so I guess these things have a way of balancing out.


What resources (blogs, books, websites) would you recommend to
someone who’s newly frugal?

LenPenzo.com, a financial blog by a non-financial professional whose innate common sense remains uncompromised. SmartMoney, which boasts the clarity and insight that its parent, The Wall Street Journal, is famous for. (And of course, my new book, Control Your Cash: Making Money Make Sense.)

Someone should do something about how much money I spend

 

A vehicle to encourage responsible spending.

This is the fusion of two of our bugbears, each indirectly related to personal finance: media idiocy and public panic. The photo is of an application for a credit card issued by First Premier Bank of South Dakota. The interest rate on purchases and cash advances is:

79.9%

A reporter from San Diego’s NBC affiliate* with some air minutes to kill manufactured a story out of the application. Here’s his impassioned defense of an innocent viewer who was just blindly applying for credit cards one day when he ended up getting impoverished. Actually he didn’t, all he did was open an envelope, but news wouldn’t be news without a little embellishment:

Hageman acknowleged that his credit isn’t perfect, but he said it’s about average. He said the pre-approved offer didn’t mention the actual interest rate on the card — for that, he had to read the enclosed fine-print disclosure. (Editor’s note: the disclosure is the pre-approved offer. The offer is the disclosure. This is a distinction without a difference. “Your honor, I didn’t hit her, my fist did.”)

“I think you’re beginning to border on deception there,” San Diego State marketing professor Michael Belch said.

No, Professor Belch. Deception would be charging 109.9% or 139.9% while listing a rate of 79.9%. What you’re commenting on is candor, the opposite of deception. Which is apparently beyond the grasp of the overeducated.

So, serious question: is a credit card with a 79.9% interest rate an atrocious deal? There are two possible answers:

  1. Not really.
  2. No.

Let’s examine them in numerical order. [For you people who would pay interest on a 79.9% credit card, that means we’ll do 1) (ONE), and then we’ll do 2) (TWO).]

1) NOT REALLY

The next credit card issuer to force someone to use its cards will be the first. Card issuers don’t tell you to buy things you can’t afford, live beyond your means, and then owe them money for the privilege of letting you buy what you couldn’t afford in the first place.

If anything, card users should be happy that banks like First Premier provide a means by which such people can spend recklessly in the first place. If credit cards didn’t exist, or if this were the 1960s and cards were only available to rich people, then anyone who would today use a 79.9% card would have to save money before spending that money. The horror.

Hageman claims his credit is “about average”, but doesn’t quantify it with, say, a credit score.** Hageman’s (and the journalist’s) complaint is essentially the following:
“You can’t trust me not to spend what I haven’t yet earned. First Premier is offering nickel beers, and here’s me, fresh out of my AA meeting.”

You don’t have to apply for the card. If you do, you don’t have to accept it. Nothing is usurious, deceitful or dishonest about First Premier’s offer. In fact, they’re being pretty clear: if you use their card, you have a month to pay off your purchase. That they give you 30 days makes First Premier far more accommodating than merchants you pay with cash, who often expect their money within 30 seconds. First Premier will cover you for the first month.

If you don’t pay off your purchase within a month – which is an eminently reasonable task you ought to be able to complete, assuming you know how to read price tags – then in exchange for their generosity, First Premier will charge you 79.9% interest.

That is perfectly fair. You signed an agreement, with mutual rights and responsibilities. First Premier honored the responsibility part of its side of the agreement, and now they’re entitled to their right: 79.9% interest on your money.

This story came to the attention of Control Your Cash after appearing on Consumerist. That site’s commenters show what happens when personal responsibility goes from being a fundamental precept of life to a vestige from our grandparents’ era. Here’s an example:

The guy who owns First Premier has donated billions to one of the local hospitals for a children’s hospitals (sic) and a research facility. It is going to take much more than that to undo the bad karma he has going on.

Engaging people in bilateral, voluntary commerce now fosters “bad karma”, as defined by the kind of person who a) believes in karma, b) thinks it has a place in an economic discussion, and c) thinks spending “billions” of dollars on “a children’s hospitals” is barely a step in the right direction.

Not that people who comment on web stories are necessarily examples of intellectual titanhood (think about that before you comment on the post you’re reading right now), but here’s another:

Which is why we need a NATIONAL usury law. Problem is these crooks have great lobbies in state governments.

Words mean what they mean, and “crook” has a fairly unambiguous definition. Crooks steal. They take what isn’t theirs. What they don’t do is enter into a voluntary contract, then honor it. Calling an honest business entity a “crook” is like saying “literally” when you mean “figuratively”. Or “black” in lieu of “white”.

Here’s one last commenter, blessed with a gift for both pithiness and renewing our faith in humanity:

Don’t like the terms? DON’T USE THE CARD!!! It’s pretty damn simple people. Where did this entitlement mentality for cheap credit card interest rates with free stuff back come from?

2) NO.

Let’s answer a question (if you forgot, it’s “Is a credit card with a 79.9% interest rate an atrocious deal?”) with a question. What’s the difference between a card with a 7.99% interest rate and a card with a 79.9% interest rate?

If you Control Your Cash, nothing. If you ring up $500 worth of charges, then transfer $500 from your bank account to First Premier within 30 days, it doesn’t matter what they charge. There is no difference between a card that charges 1% interest and one that charges 500,000% interest.

 

So should you accept First Premier’s offer, and happily charge purchases to your 79.9% card? After all that, no. But for completely different reasons.

The least important criterion for what credit card you should get is the interest rate. The most important is the benefits it’ll provide, for the price.

More than most cards, an American Express card can make it easy for you to reverse purchases that go awry (e.g. a brake relining that doesn’t work.) But depending on which particular American Express card you get, you might have to pay an annual fee. The standard Discover card doesn’t have an annual fee, and gives you 1% cash back on everything you buy. But it’s also useless outside the United States.

Most credit cards are free to use. If you can’t find a free one, you probably shouldn’t be using credit. And that’s what makes the First Premier card a bad deal:

The $75 annual fee.

You saw that, right? Of course you did. You read the agreement.

——————-

*Our primary passion at Control Your Cash is the responsible use of money. A close second is our hatred of journalists. In particular, television journalists. In particular, local television journalists who have neither the chops nor the ambition to progress beyond their home market(s). That’s why we don’t mention journalists by name. You can still verify the story by clicking the link, but we won’t do the journalist the courtesy of a mention.

**Why should he? Math is hard! Numbers are intimidating! Words are better than numbers, especially because you can’t prove something with the former as convincingly as you can with the latter.

**This post is featured at the 28th Carnival of Money Stories.**